Last year, I made the tough decision to step back from the glitz and glamor of my career, a move that surprised my peers and former colleagues. My family, however, wasn't shocked; they knew it was only a matter of time. After over a decade of relentless pursuit in my career, moving countries, and working tirelessly, I needed a break.
The past four to five years had been the most intense and rewarding of my career, but I recognized the need to pause. Fortunately, the universe seemed to affirm my decision, blessing me with my second pregnancy.
I'm aware of the privilege I had in being able to choose to take this break—a luxury many do not have. It's my hope that one day, all caretakers, particularly mothers, will have similar opportunities, or at least the chance to rest when it's truly needed.
Reflecting on my experience when pregnant with my first son, I took three months off work before his birth and stayed home until he was about four to five months old. That period was hectic, as we were relocating from Hong Kong to Jakarta. Amidst the chaos of finding a new home and hiring a nanny, I'm grateful that my firstborn adapted well to his new environment.
Parenting my first son was a formative experience that prepared us for what I call "parenting 2.0." Each child is unique, but here are a few lessons we learned that have influenced how we raise our second son:
Baby-Led Weaning (BLW): In 2017, when my first son was four months old, I came across BLW. Initially, I stuck to traditional feeding methods, which meant I had to actively feed him; he wouldn’t eat otherwise. Now, as he’s grown, he’s become more independent with his eating. Learning from this, we embraced BLW for our second son, and it's been liberating to see him proactively try any food placed in front of him.
The Power of Active Language Engagement: Initially, naively, I assumed my firstborn would naturally pick up language. However, I learned that active engagement is crucial. For example, pointing to a book and saying, "This is a book," or using songs to introduce new vocabulary has proven effective.
Acknowledging Big Feelings in Little People: It's vital to remember that even young children experience a wide range of emotions. At three or four years old, they are still learning to understand and regulate their feelings. As parents, it’s our role to guide them through this process, helping them regulate their emotions effectively.
Building Strong Routines: Creating consistent routines around sleep, meals, and playtime provides a sense of security and predictability for young children. This predictability fosters a calmer and more manageable environment for both parents and children.
Quality Time Over Quantity AND Remind them how much you love them: In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to get caught up in the to-do list. However, carve out dedicated time for focused interaction with your children. Put away distractions like phones, and simply be present in the moment. I always, always tell them how much I love them. I think it's important that they hear this so they know that they always have your love.
Parenting is an ever-evolving journey, filled with challenges and learning opportunities. I mean, I am constantly learning every day. My first and second born (even at 9 months!) have two different personalities. And I believe that each experience paves the way for more mindful and effective parenting.
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